


Mistletoe and Majoram

by Diana_Flynn



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-13 15:29:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10516554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diana_Flynn/pseuds/Diana_Flynn
Summary: To no one's surprise, Katniss hates parties. Hates them. Especially parties filled with christmas music, eggnog and mistletoe. But her housemate Jo dragged her down to get some Christmas “cheer” so she might as well make the best of it, and maybe talk to the cute blond that lives across the hall from her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was written for Winter in Panem 2015.

I’ve decided that that the song Feliz Navidad combined with Christmas parties may be my own personal hell. It’s not like the song isn’t fun the first time you hear it, but it’s the fourth time I’ve heard it today alone. And now it’s being sung very loudly and drunkenly by my apartment neighbors. No amount of the cheap beer provided can make this rendition any more appealing. My current Grinch mood is only increased by the fact I feel like a big dork in my tacky Christmas sweater my roommate insisted everyone would be wearing. News flash, I’m the only one wearing one. 

I thought this sort of B.S. college meetup was relegated to the freshman dorms, but I was wrong. Very wrong. Johanna insisted I get to know someone besides her in the apartment complex and dragged me here. I do know people, well some of their names. Isn’t giving a nod hello enough? Anyway there is actually one of my neighbors I've reluctantly admitted to myself that I'd like to get to know more, but he isn't even here. 

So now I find myself just standing awkwardly next to the food, with no one to talk to because my roommate has disappeared with her boyfriend. Everyone around me seems to be having such a great time but it’s just not easy for me to make inane chatter with any of them. The solution? Pour myself a beer before I make my escape. 

“Hey Catnip, did you know you’re standing under the mistletoe? Care to go for a test drive with me?” I turn around to find Gale Hawthorne with a smile full of swagger on his face. I don’t even try to hide my eye roll before moving away from the poisonous plant, turning to something far more interesting, the log of brie on the table.

“Absolutely not Gale,” I say as I start spreading the cheese on a cracker, not giving him a second glance. “I’ve heard from enough girls on how you run, so I think I’m okay without having that ‘test drive’.” To my amusement I hear him huff behind me and the stomp of his large feet as he walks away. That was too easy. I’m just getting back to my cheese log when a chuckle to my left makes me jump. 

“Wow I never thought I see the day anyone would reject Gale like that. And in such a spectacular fashion.” I turn to see a muscular arm putting down a very tempting box of wine on the table. My eyes track up and I swallow hard as I’m suddenly met with the sparkling blue eyes of Peeta Mellark. 

“Hey I’m glad I’m not the only one in the tacky Christmas sweater club! What happened to the Christmas spirit,” continues, pushing up the sleeves of his very gaudy bedazzled Santa Claus with sunglasses. The disarming smile he gives me only makes the food go into the wrong pipe and I start to cough, bits of crackers flying out of my mouth. 

“Oh my god are you okay?” He asks patting me on the back. I take a deep swig of my beer and will my throat to relax before looking up at him. I wish I didn’t because it’s hard not to just want to get lost in his eyes, or focus on freckles of his nose, or admire the dimples in his smile. 

So I may have not paid attention to many people where I live, but Peeta always has been hard to miss. The moment we moved in across from each other he has been welcoming and so nice, always greeting me with a smile, trying to chat with me and make me feel welcome. I on the other hand can never quite get the words out, flapping my mouth like a fish, and I usually end up turning away before I look more like an idiot than I already do. I’m reluctant to admit it but the only reason I let my roommate push me out tonight was him. With some liquid courage I was finally going to have a real conversation with Peeta, let him see I'm not a spazz. And I’ve already screwed it up by spitting crackers at him. 

“I’m fine. Really,” I manage to say after an embarrassing moment. 

“Let me get you another beer.” He answers, concern in his eyes. Before I can protest that I’m really okay he turns around to pour me a cup. 

“Dude, you both are under the mistletoe. You have to kiss!” I’m surprised that Gale is pointing over Peeta’s head at that dreaded mistletoe. Heat prickles the back of my neck as I’m stunned for a moment. I can’t even talk to Peeta, how am I supposed to kiss him? No good can come of this, okay, except finally feeling what his plump lips on my own feel like. I’m about to protest, maybe back away quickly when I hear a very girly giggle on the other side of Peeta. Then I realize that Gale is not referring to me, but the curvaceous bubbly blonde next to him, Delly Cartwright, who is standing much closer to him then I currently am. 

“Oh my gosh, I didn’t even realize it Peeta, shall we go for it?” He seems to flap his mouth wordlessly for a moment before she reaches up on tippy toes and dives for his mouth. There are hoots from everyone around as I see her wrap her arms tight around his shoulders, her tongue going in for the kill. 

“Now I’ve done my Christmas duty.” I turn around to see Gale with a satisfied smirk on his face.

“What?” I ask a little (ok maybe a lot) impatiently. 

“Oh didn’t you know? Peeta and Delly have had a crush on each other all year. I’m acting a little bit like Christmas cupid so I don’t have to hear him whine anymore about not being able to talk to her.

I look over and find Delly is now chatting animatedly while her arms are around him still. His hands are loose on her hips and cheeks are flushed pink as he bobs his head to what she’s saying. I see him start to slide his eyes over to me and I don’t want to witness anymore. Who the hell was I kidding even trying. So I turn around before we make full eye contact, ignoring whatever was going to come out next from Gale’s mouth, grab the box of wine Peeta had just put down and head out of the party and straight to my apartment. At least I can take this stupid Christmas sweater off. 

 

One Week Later-----------------------------

Bra off - check, comfy pajamas - check, popcorn and beer - check and check. I plop heavily on my couch, wrap a blanket around my shivering shoulders, bits of popcorn flying up, but I don’t care. It’s Christmas Eve, I’ve worked over ten hours today at the mall, got berated by my ridiculous boss Seneca and battled public transportation in the pouring rain to finally get back to my apartment. My housemate Johanna is out for the night, so I deserve to do nothing but eat junkfood and watch my guilty pleasure, Disney movies, without her mocking me. 

I am enthusiastically shoving popcorn in my mouth, as I yell at the old bitch/witch stealing baby Rapunzel when all the lights flicker for a hot second before the lights turned off. This is followed by my electric heater, my one source of warmth buzzing off. No no no. This is not supposed to happen right now. 

I’m staring at the blank television willing for the lights to turn back on when suddenly the door bursts open with a bang, making me send more popcorn flying. I look for the closest blunt object when a distinctive raspy laugh rings out. Shit, it’s Johanna and she is not alone. 

“Brainless I’m home!” The emergency lights in the hallway are the only illumination on my inebriated roommate as she totters on her heels, barely being held up by her boyfriend Cato. “Did you know the power is out? It’s out.” 

“I thought you were staying at Cato’s tonight?” I ask through gritted teeth. 

“His housemate kicked us out. Said we’re too loud. So we came back here.” Was anyone actually going home for Christmas? She turns to her behemoth of a boyfriend and pulls him down to suck his face so hard I’m wondering if she is trying to eat him for a moment. The popcorn is not sitting in my stomach so well anymore. 

“Come on big boy, I’m cold and I need you to warm me up. And we can be as loud as we want now,” she says pulling him by his pants. 

“Can you guys not…” but I give up because they are obviously falling on deaf ears as she tugs him by his belt, unbuckling it as she goes. 

“Damn it,” I mutter to myself. I don’t know what’s louder, the echoing quiet of the living room or the quickly escalating activities in Johanna’s room. There is no way that sleeping will be an option as our thin walls have demonstrated too many times. 

I chug my beer wondering what the hell I’m going to do when there is a rapid knock on the door that makes me jump once again. I just want whoever it is to go away, so I wait, but the inevitable second knock comes.

“Katniss it’s me, Peeta. Are you there?” What is he doing here? I thought he went home for the holidays. All the stress that was previously in my limbs seem to localize in my stomach as it clenches with another fear. His “Hello Katniss?” followed by another knock somehow gets me up though and I open the door with a slightly shaky hand. 

There stand my neighbor, looking as gorgeous as the first day I met him. His curly hair is wild with fingers obviously being run through his curls, he’s wearing his typical tight white shirt, and his blue pajama pants hang low on his hips. It’s been a very long week since I’ve seen him, and I only have my avoidance to blame. 

“Hi Peeta,” I say cautiously. He rubs the back of his neck, his usually deep blue eyes looking pale in the flickering light. 

“Wait, is that a kerosene lamp? Have we been transported back into frontier times?” I ask suddenly noticing the lamp in his hand. 

“I bring you light!” He says holding up his lamp proudly. “I found this in a garage sale and thought it was cool. I never thought I’d find it to be useful. Anyway I heard you were staying on campus too and I was just checking up to see if you need anything.” He’s starting to ramble, and I’ve learned recently that he does that when he’s nervous. 

“I’m fine, I’ll just read by candle light or something. You don’t have to worry about me.” I cringe when I realize I sound more rude than I meant to, and the way he slumps his shoulders and gives me the kicked puppy tells me he felt I was too. 

“Okay, I’ll just be up for awhile if you need anything. Or even some company.” He says, putting his bright smile back on his face. I was just about to say I’m fine, again when a particularly loud moan came from behind me. 

“Yes Cato! Stuff it up my ass! Oh yeah.” This is followed by an even louder male grunting as Peeta and I just stare at each other. Thank god for the flickering yellow light because I’m sure my face is beat read right now, and by the startled look on his face, his is probably too. 

“Maybe I could use a break from my apartment?” 

“Yeah, I think that is a good idea,” he answers, laughing awkwardly. I tell him to wait a moment while I run to the kitchen and grab my trusty box of wine, pick up my keys and get the hell out of my place as fast as my legs can carry me. 

I skid to a halt almost running into Peeta as I slam the door behind me, and Peeta tries to repress his smile. 

“A thanks for taking me in,” I say handing him the box. 

“Isn’t this the one I brought to the Christmas party?” He asks, turning over the box. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about. If you didn’t know, all wine boxes pretty much look the same.” My cheeks turn pink but thankfully I am able to keep my face straight, annoyed even. 

He only lifts his eyebrow at me, before turning towards his apartment, and we start walking down the hall. An awkward silence settles on us as the usual talkative Peeta is silent. Conversation starters run through my head but they all seems stupid. By the time he is unlocking his door I think maybe I should just go home to bed and stuff tissues in my ear. The rattling wall I could ignore maybe after awhile. 

“Peeta..” But I never finish what I’m about to day because I look into his now open apartment and I’m stunned for a moment. Not only does he have several fat candles lit throughout the apartment giving a warm flicker, but his christmas tree lights are actually on, blinking hypnotically, colors bouncing off the walls. The place looks magical. 

“Your place looks beautiful,” I say stepping in. “How is your tree even working?”

“It’s umm… battery powered lights. There’s no real good outlet in that corner. Please get comfortable on the couch. I just made some soup. Give me a minute and I’ll bring you some.” 

I curl up on his couch and watch as he shuffles around the small kitchenette, quietly steadying my nerves. I have actively avoided Peeta the entire week since the Holiday party, once even going back upstairs and into my place rather than pass him on the stairs. If I happened to see him, I just scowled to his hellos and moved on. But here he is inviting me over for some soup undeterred by my brusque attitude. So I am going to act like an adult because he does not know, or need to know that I may possibly have feelings for him. (That is up for debate anyway since I’m currently working on removing them). 

“Here you go. I hope you like potato leak. I made it yesterday so hopefully the flavors will be even better now. And here’s some sourdough to go with it.” He settles next to me with an uneasy smile, sitting on the other end of the couch making sure that there is enough space between us. 

I take a spoonful of soup, and it slides pleasantly down my throat. I didn’t realize how cold I was before I had it, or how much I needed soup. I dip the bread in the soup and let out a small moan at the delicious combination. 

“This is wonderful. You actually made it?” He smiles shyly and nods his head. 

“I love to cook and I find it’s a great stress reliever for me. And it seemed like a great night for soup. I’m glad I have someone to share it with.” 

“Me too.” I can’t help smiling at him, and I realize we’ve moved closer and somehow both ended up with a blanket on our laps. “How did you know I would be here on Christma anyway?” 

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking at me through the curls flopping over his eyes. “I saw you at the mall today, trying not not lose it on a funny looking bearded man.” 

“Yeah that’s my boss and he’s lucky I didn’t lose it,” I answer laughing, before taking a sip of wine. This was so weird at the beginning, but it’s nice, finally having a chance to talk to Peeta. Too bad I’m a week late. 

He asks me if I’m here tomorrow, and I explain to him that my mom and her new boyfriend decided Christmas in Hawaii was a great idea. So I’m just waiting for my little sister, to come tomorrow. It’s so easy to start talking about her, how proud I am that she got into an ivy league school on a scholarship, and he leans forward listening to everything I have to say about her. 

“How about you? Are you going home?” I ask him once I’ve realized maybe I’ve gone a little too long. The soup bowls are long gone, now replaced by another cup of wine, our knees slightly touching under the blanket. 

He shrugs, like it’s nothing, but I can see his body slump a little, like in defeat. “I didn’t want to deal with my mom berating me one more time for becoming an art major. And I have to work too since she pulled my college funding. Anyway it’s no big deal.” 

I have a need to suddenly comfort him and I put my hand over his wrist stretched out on the back of the couch. The smile returns to his face as we silently look into each other's eyes. I was going to keep him, and my attached feelings for him, at arm's length but he is just too easy to let in. I imagine what it would be like to just bend forward and touch my lips to his, feel how soft they would be against mine. But Delly’s lips on Peeta’s flashes through, obliterating my fantasy, and I let go of his hand suddenly. I can see the confusion in his eyes so I take a sip of my wine as an excuse. 

“Well Prim, Jo and I are putting Christmas dinner together. You should join us if you aren’t spending it with Delly.” I ramble, only realizing I invited him to dinner after I’ve said it. 

Peeta rubs his hand through his hair for a moment looking frustrated, and I lean back for a moment at the sudden tense energy coursing through his well muscled body. 

“I was worried this would happen. I should have known you were actively ignoring me. I was hoping I was wrong.” He takes a deep breath, and then takes my hand in his gently. “Katniss, I’m not seeing Delly, and never intend to.” 

“But Gale told me that you have had a long crush on her for a long time.” 

“Gale,” he growls out deeply, practically making me jump back, his frustration level obviously risen at a maximum level. He is one of the sweetest people I have ever known, so patient so seeing him like this is completely startling, but arousing too. 

“I have never had a crush on Delly Cartwright. She is a very nice girl and my friend, but I have never felt like that for her. And Gale knows it.” 

“He does, does he?” My voice is flat with my own anger as I picture that humiliating scene, Gale next to me orchestrating it all. 

He takes both my hands in his large calloused ones, shuffling closer to me. His thumbs start rubbing patterns on the back of my hands and I can feel my anger leaving as quickly as it came. 

“Yes he does know, because he also knows who I’ve had a crush on for a long time. Since my freshman year when I was dragged to a lame ensemble chorus. But it wasn’t lame at all when I was quickly transfixed by the lead performer. She has a voice so sweet, the birds would stop to listen. And then I couldn't believe my luck when she moved across from me this last year.”

“Peeta this can’t be true. It can’t.” My heart is tight with an unexplainable emotion. I feel fear and happiness intermingling together and all I want to do is run. But he seems to sense this, his hands tighten on mine and his eyes locking me in place. 

“Yes I do Katniss. I’ve wanted to ask you out for a long time and I’ve been too chicken to do it. I really didn’t want to go to that stupid Christmas party, but I only went in hopes that I would finally get a chance to talk to you. But that went to shit. Delly was drunk by the way, doesn’t even remember it happened. But I still missed my window of opportunity. Not to mention somebody stole the wine I brought.” 

That brings out a smile out of me, and we both start chuckling. “It sure did go to shit didn’t it. Peeta, I only came to the party to talk to you too.” He suddenly let’s go of my hands and jumps off the couch. 

“Stay right there. Don’t move,” he says motioning with a stop hand for a moment before he practically runs to the kitchen. I can’t believe he is telling me this, I am hearing what I’ve hoped for so long. This can’t be real. I quickly grab my wine and take a gulp for some liquid courage before he comes bounding back, holding a tied bunch of herbs over my head.

“So I don’t have mistletoe, but marjoram has to count for something doesn’t it? So will you give me a kiss,” he asks hopefully. 

I let the time tick by for a few seconds, watching this smile waver as he loses confidence, before I grab him by his shirt and yank him down. He let’s out an “Oof” as he lands next to me, arm still holding up the marjoram. Before he can say anything I crush my mouth to his. My mind is nothing but white noise at the touch of his soft pliable lips. A burst of sweet scent releases into the air as his hand with the herb crushes into my back, practically pulling me onto his lap.

My mind unfortunately goes back to Peeta kissing Delly but I realize how stiff he was when he kissed her, compared to how he is now. His hands move down to my upper thighs, gripping them, moans escape his lip, and his tongue, oh that tongue knows what it’s doing. We finally break apart, both breathing hard as we lean our foreheads against each other. 

“Wow…” Is all I manage to say and he nods his head. 

“The answer is yes,” he says and kisses my nose at the confusion in my eyes. “Yes I would love to spend Christmas dinner with you. If you’ll still have me.” 

“Are you kidding me? After that kiss, I intend to keep you for the entire day.” I answer, straddling his lap, and make sure I am perfectly nestled on top of him. I pull the crushed marjoram from his hand and put it over his head again. “So mistletoe gets you a kiss. I think that marjoram get’s you a little more than that.” 

His smile widens, a wicked look in his eyes and his fingertips feel pleasant on my ass as his hips pulses up, making sure I know how excited he is at my words. 

“Then I’m always keeping this in the apartment,” he answers before our lips meet again in a searing kiss that I never want to end. Thank god for bad weather.


	2. Moonlight and Christmas Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All! It's been a while since I first posted this Christmas story on tumblr for Winter's in Panem, but I decided to add a short addition in time for Spring Break. It has a little more angst than the last chapter, but I hope you enjoy it!

**3 plus months later**

The sound of laughter ripples downstairs intermixing with party music I am so tired of hearing incessantly thumping. I shove my clothes in my suitcase with more force than necessary, ready to get the hell out of my family’s house before the party really gets started. A stupid rebellious tear escapes, falling onto a shirt, and I wipe the trail from my cheek quickly before it encourages anymore to come. 

What are you doing? You can’t be leaving now?!” I turn around to see my sister at the doorway, a look of distress lining her pretty face. It’s hard to face her when she looks so upset, especially considering I’m the cause, so I turn around and stuff my clothes in my suitcase faster. 

“Look, it’s better that I go home Prim. I’m not good company right now and I’ll just bring down everyone’s celebratory mood. Who’s gonna want to hang out with the gloomy loner at the party.” 

“No you won’t,” she argues, and I just lift an eyebrow at her and slumps in defeat. We both fully know that I have the unique ability to suck the life out of the room when I’m in a bad mood. 

I zip my suitcase with finality, and lug it with me towards Prim and better yet, the exit. “Just call me when you get home so I know you got their safe. There are a lot of crazy drivers out there right now,” she says in defeat. 

I almost feel bad for a moment, and then I remember she has her handsome fiance waiting to give a champagne toast with her. And I think of all the couples up there, happy and having a great year. Hell even my mom found love with our gruff neighborhor Haymitch. Only I am the loser with no luck, and I’m not in the place to see everyone else in their joy.

“I will Little Duck. And congratulations on your engagement. I really mean it, even if I kinda threatened him if he hurt you. Rory is a good kid and I know he’ll make you happy.” I go in for a quick hug but she pulls me in tighter, so I give in and melt into it, squeezing her tight. 

“I know I shouldn’t say anything,” she whispers in my ear, “but I hope you and Peeta work out. I know he made you happy. Try and talk to him.” I blink away some tears before pulling away and grabbing my suitcase again. 

“Maybe I will,” I answer, giving an empty promise. Because I am going to continue to avoid him as much as physically possible like I have for over a month. I’m just counting the days for my school term to be over so I can move far away from him and try to forget he exists. She squeezes my hand gently with eyes shining with hope and I turn away, heading to the back of the house so I can avoid as many partygoers as possible. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damn it, I should have known. I shove my suitcase through my apartment doorway with too much force and slam the door behind me, relieved to have finally made my escape from the mess going on downstairs. The two hour drive back to my apartment did nothing to improve my mood, and when I finally arrived, only to find our building lobby with a party at full swing. I don’t know why it didn’t even occur to me that there would be a party, especially considering it feels like they have one for anything and everything. And it certainly didn’t occur to me that Peeta, would be there as well. 

I was trying to sneak through the crowd of neighbors and strangers without being seen, but I was stopped when I am met by the sight of Peeta with Cashmere Hudson aggressively leaning against him, whispering in his ear. And then of course I was stuck staring like a creeper with my heart lying like stone in my stomach. Rumors had been going around that they were starting to see each other, but I never saw her coming around the building so I chose to think it was wrong. Stupid me. I realized a second too late that standing there staring is definitely not the best way to avoid attention and through Cashmere’s copious amount of golden hair, his blue gaze found mine. 

He should have been oo occupied with Cashmere’s expert thrall but nope, unfortunately our eyes locked. He visibly paled at the sight of me, fear dimming his usually bright eyes, like he was looking at a freaking ghost. That is the effect I have on him these days - horror. My lips pursed tight in frustration as I tore my gaze from him, unable to stand the pain that had settled in my chest at the sight of him. I can barely remember the time when he actually looked at me with so much love and adoration I felt like I was in a Disney movie. Those wonderful two months feel like a crazy dream. I should have known that it couldn’t be my reality. 

“What the fuck Brainless.” I look up, realizing I’ve just been standing in the entryway of my apartment, lost in my thoughts of Peeta and my escape moments ago. Johanna stares down at me impatiently, hands tying her tiny silk robe, and it’s obvious she doesn’t have anything under it. I was so focused on the disaster that is my love life, I hadn’t even realized my feet carried me all the way up here.

“Did I interrupt something?” I answer tiredly as I plop the keys on the side table. 

“You’re lucky we both just had our grand finish or I would have dropped kicked you out the door for all that noise you are making out here. What the hell are you doing here anyway? I thought you were supposed to be with the family until tomorrow?”

I plop on the couch and just shrug my shoulders. “First of all I wasn’t being that noisy. And well, I thought I’d just come early that’s all. Spend some time in my own bed before work and school start again.”

She snorts before plopping inelegantly next to me on our sagging couch. “Sure. Because leaving in the middle of your sister’s engagement party is good time to come back to this shit show.”

“Yeah it’s a good time when I don’t have to see my mother, sister and friends all deeply in love with their partners while I get to sit in the corner all night with the rest of the losers.” I sigh heavily, the depression pressing down on me. “Not that passing the party downstairs didn’t feel even worse.” 

I can’t believe it, but Johanna actually looks at me with sympathy and not mockery. “You saw him did you? Was that Cashmere slug still clinging all over him?” I just nod my head and sigh again, sinking deeper into the couch. Jo reaches forward and grabs a beer on the coffee table and hands it to me. Clearly it’s been open, and possibly belonged to the man still in her room, but at this point I don’t care and I take a big chug of it. 

“So are you going to finally tell me what the hell happened between you and Peeta?” I look sideways at Johanna. She’s curled up on the couch looking relaxed like she doesn’t really care if I answer, although I know her well enough now to know that she actually does. 

“What is there to tell?” I finally answer, giving in. But then more words just spill out. “I mean you were there. Sure it was great when we started. More than great. I never felt like that around anyone else, and it seemed to be the same way for him too. God, the way he looked at me... And he courted me like a fucking gentleman. Who does that? Guys usually think romance is sending a picture of their dick. His idea of romance was laying out a picnic at a secluded spot on a bluff, where he made all the food!” 

I have to stop there, feeling a lump getting larger in my throat and I take another chug of the warm beer in my hand. Damn it tastes awful. 

“Yeah yeah I was there. I could have choked with how happy you guys were.” Jo says, rolling her eyes and I can’t help but laugh at her reaction. She hates that stuff. She usually goes in the opposite direction of soft emotion, but I know she was secretly happy for me. “Two long months of goo goo eyes, and happy sunshine and rainbows. What I don’t know is what happened to the two of you. And now that I actually have you talking you’re finally going to tell me.”

Her expression left no room for argument. There is no getting out of it. And honestly for the first time I actually want to tell someone. I’ve been holding this in for so long. 

“I think…” The words are harder to get out than I expected as I gather my thoughts, and I feel my face turn beat read. I start playing with the tab of the beer, appreciative that Jo is patient for once. “I think hewasn’tsexuallyattractedtome,” I finally spit out in a rush of words. 

“Okay, you are going to have to slow it down.” 

I finally turn to her as I let it out again. “He wasn’t physically attracted to me okay! I mean we made out yes, but we never… we never,” I put my head in my hands, feeling heat spread across my cheeks. “We never had sex ok! He didn’t want to. And I was patient. Damn I’ve never been so patient in my life. Every dinner, every pizza night, bowling night, movie night I expected that would be the time we’d go all the way. But it just never happened.” 

Jo looks completely stunned. I would laugh that she’s finally speechless if my stomach wasn’t in such knots because of my predicament. 

“So did you confront him about it?” she finally asks after a long stretch of uncomfortable silence. 

So remember when we had that big rain storm? He came over with a big tub of ice cream. We got real messy, I mean it was messy. Anyway I asked if he wanted to take it to the bedroom and he just pulled back and said he forgot he had to meet up with a friend… at 11 at night… while it was still pouring, and I had melting ice cream everywhere! Well I completely lost it. I pushed him out of the apartment and said some things I shouldn’t have. And you know the rest, we haven’t talked since and he’s apparently moved on to someone shinier.”

“So I take it you didn’t actually listen to what his reasons are for not making a move yet, left in a huff and was too stubborn to look at him let alone talk to him. And he’s been sad puppy dog eyes ever since.”

“How do you know me so well?” I ask rhetorically, head collapsing on couch, because I really I don’t want the answer. 

“Because Brainless, I’ve known you half your life and you are a stubborn hothead who acts first, thinks last and definitely doesn’t listen.”

I give her a hard glare which she is completely impervious to, a wall of stubbornness blocking me. “Whatever Jo. It’s not like he tried after the fight. He just gave up on me. And that was so humiliating!”

“Because you can be scary as hell Everdeen. And he is the fluffiest bunny. Bunnies don’t want to be chewed up and spit out. Look I’m not attracted to that type of guy but obviously you are. I’ve seen how you’ve been moping. It’s pathetic. Get off your ass and do something about it before you drive me crazy.”

“It’s too late to talk to him,” I answer sounding sadly as pathetic as she’s described me. 

“No it isn't for fucks sake!” She answers her voice rising. “Don’t be a god damn chicken for once in your life.”

“Maybe in a couple weeks, once I see how this Cashmere thing turns out,” I say in a small voice.

“Whatever. I'm done with this touchy feely shit. Don’t wait for tomorrow what you can do today, and all that crap. Especially when Cashmere has her claws on what you want to do today. You have short time in life before windows close permanently, so get to it.” Jo gets up and stretches like a cat. “Thresh is waiting for me in my room, and now that I’ve given him some time to recover, time to give him a thorough work out again.”

“I didn't need to hear that!” I yell out as she saunters to her room. 

“Yeah you did,” comes Jo's singsong voice before her door shuts.

I look up at the clock from my slumped position on the couch. Jo is not wrong. It’s fifteen minutes after midnight and the longer the party goes on, the longer Cashmere has Peeta to herself. But who am I kidding, I’m not any kind of competition to her. It’s better if I just go to bed. 

Just as I'm settled with my decision, Jo’s door opens again. I feel something soft fall on my belly and look down to see an orange lump. 

“Wear that and be out of the apartment in 5 minutes. I don’t want to hear any excuses. Besides, I will be loud, really really loud. You know I have the lungs. It’s your choice.” With that she turns around and walks promptly back in the room. I realize risking my heart is a far better alternative to spending my night hearing Jo and Thresh having what is most likely to be very enthusiastic sex, before she totally lays in on me again in the morning.

With a groan, I drag myself up and head to the bathroom to get ready. The dress she gave me is impossibly tight and it squeezes me in a way that makes my modest C cups look like generous D cups. Not to mention that if I bend over, everyone will see London. I. Feel. Ridiculous. But I forge ahead, shaking out my hair, putting on a light lip gloss, and pulling a pair of strappy heels from my suitcase. One more look in the mirror, I don’t look half bad, but I’m not exactly filled with confidence, like at all. But I take a deep fortifying breath and try not to think about it and step out the door. 

I can feel my stomach tighten with every step I take down to the lobby. Every part of my body is telling me to run, but stubbornness finally comes in handy as I’m determined to ignore the nerves, get over myself and talk to Peeta. 

That resolve is easier said than done when I can’t find him anywhere. I circle the lobby twice, and peep into the corners, back yard and front, but neither him nor Cashmere are anywhere to be seen. Of course my mind jumps to the immediate worst case scenario. Peeta is back in his room and he isn’t alone. Who am I kidding, Cashmere is way hotter than me, stacked in places I will never be. If he wasn’t attracted to me before why would he want me now. 

I slump in a wall in defeat, oblivious to the joy that is swirling around me. 2017 is shaping up to be the worst year ever. 

“Hey Catnip, What are you doing back here? Not that I mind.” I look up to see Gale leaning way too close to me. His hot beer breath splashing across my face is the opposite of attractive. “Damn you look fine. Are dressed like that for me?”

“No Gale. I definitely did not dress up and come down to the party for you,” I snap back, not in the mood to deal with this egotistical douchebag. Ever since Peeta and I split, I can’t turn around without him lurking somewhere. He says he just wants to be my friend, but friends don’t try to cop a feel every chance they get. And now with his brother marrying my sister, I’ll never be rid of him.

“You wound me,” he says dramatically clutching his hand to his heart. I turn away, ready to walk anywhere but he is not when he grabs my arm and pulls me around. “Come on Katniss give me a chance. You’ll see I’m much better than breadboy. I know a good thing when I see it. I’m not running off with blonde bimbos.”

I yank my arm out of his and take a step back, arms crossed tightly across my chest, trying to push down the pain that throbs slightly through my chest at his words. “Gale, get it through your thick skull. It’s not about choosing Peeta or you. I would never pick you.” 

I am very satisfied to see a stunned look bordering on anger darken his face. This time when I turn around to leave he doesn’t follow me. God I hate this year so much. I thought it was going to be so good. It seemed like finally I could be happy. But that concept seemed fleeting an unattainable. 

I rush up the stairs, stripping off my stupid heels, leaving the joyous sounds of celebration behind me but I don’t go back to my room. I really don’t need to face the sounds of a couple actually having a good time. I keep going up and up until I burst through the rusted door to the roof, the cool night a shock against the hot stray tears that have traveled down my cheeks. I brush them away, breathing deeply and willing myself to calm down. 

“Katniss?” I hear a tentative but familiar voice reach across the expanse of the roof. I look across to and search the shadows to find Peeta leaning against the rooftop ledge, and he’s alone. 

He steps towards me automatically and into the light of the full moon. Acting like a spotlight, it’s celestial brightness washes out any color in his hair or clothes. He looks like an ethereal being who does not belong on this earth and he’s so damn beautiful it squeezes my chest tightly. Silence is like a chasm between us that I’m unwilling to cross. His eyes are wide as they sweep over my body. When they reach my face, he immediately rushes towards me, but brakes hard when he see’s the challenge in my eyes. 

“What are you doing here Peeta? Waiting for someone with big tits and blonde hair?” He opens his mouth, but I brush past him, determined to reach my destination, my favorite garden swing surrounded by potted plants and fruit trees lit up with the soft glow of fairy lights. I hear his heavy footsteps following me, and when I sit, I find his sad puppy dog eyes silently telling me he wants to sit down down. I give an exasperated sigh but slide over, clearing the bench of my shoes, so he can sit down. I make sure to give him plenty of room and he respects that. 

Time ticks by slowly, both of us either afraid or unwilling to be the next one to speak. I can hear the cars on the road, the squeak of the swing and his own exasperated breath coming out slowly, as I wait for him to go first. A chilly breeze crosses past us, and I instinctively start rubbing my arms. That is when Peeta makes a big move, taking off his jacket and putting it over my shoulders before I have a chance to react. 

“So should I expect Cashmere any moment? Having a quickie?” I ask, breaking down. I tried to act easy-going, like it doesn’t matter to me, but failed horribly since I practically choked on her name. 

“We were just talking at the party. We weren’t actually there together Katniss. Not that it should concern you anymore,” he answers, his voice stiff with anger. 

An incomprehensible strangled sound that may have held swear words spills out of my mouth, and I promptly push off the swing, but a strong arm keeps me from going. I would have yanked my arm out, but he does that thing with his thumb. That tiny stroke that always acts like a magic button to calm me down. So I settle back down in my seat, but my body is still very stiff as I try to contain my simmering emotions. 

“I’m sorry Katniss, that was the wrong thing to say,” he says. I’m sure his eyes would be big and soft as a puppy pleading for a scrap if I looked, but I resolutely keep looking straight ahead. “You always do know how to push my buttons Katniss.”

“I guess that’s why we didn’t work out,” I answer with a sniff that hides my breaking emotions. “It must be hard being attracted to someone who pushes your buttons.” His hand loosens at my words, and I finally pull my arm free. Just then muffled cheers from the party bursts through our deafening silence. 

“You’re wrong,” he finally says, and I turn to him with questions in my eyes. “Attraction was never the problem.”

“What was it then Peeta? I know I didn’t handle the ending that well and said things I shouldn’t have. But you were already leaving before I pushed you. I could see fear in your eyes, when I came around, every time I tried to..I… I just need to know so I’ll get it right with the next guy. I don’t want to frighten anyone away.” I hate how pathetic I sound. If he wasn’t attracted to me before, he sure isn’t now. But I need to know why he stopped caring. I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes. Although if I can lose such a great guy like Peeta, I’m not sure there is any hope for me. 

“It’s not you, it was me.” I let out a disbelieving laugh at that cliche line, and I can see him shake his head in frustration. 

“That’s a fresh line Peeta,” I scoff.

“No really, I mean…” His face adorably twisting in concentration as he tries to get the words out. He is usually so smooth, always with the right thing to say, it’s weird seeing him so awkward. 

“What Peeta? What happened to us? What did I do?” I plead, barely able to look at him. I realize this is what I should have asked him one month ago, but my anger and fear got in the way, and all I was successful at closing the door between us permanently. 

He moves closer and grabs my hands, and this time I don’t fight it. “I’m telling the truth. You didn’t do anything Katniss. I got in the way of us.” He takes a deep breath, and squeezes my hands a little harder, afraid that I will pull away. But I am not. This time I am listening. 

“Tell me Peeta,” I plead.

“I’ve liked you for a long long time. Longer than you even knew I existed. So at Christmas, with the blackout it seemed like a miracle. It was a miracle. I’ve never been happier in my life than when I was with you. It seemed too perfect. Because you see, I’ve been cheated on before. With all my past girlfriends actually. I thought I had gotten over it, that it wouldn’t get in the way of our relationship, but it did. I pushed off sleeping with you because I thought once we did, you would leave me, like the rest. I just wanted to keep it perfect. I was tired of getting my heart ripped out. I couldn’t lose you. It wasn’t rational. It wasn’t even really a conscious thought. I just kept delaying the inevitable. Break up, not sex.” He turns red, and he is so awkward, my instinct is to squeeze his hand, so I do. “And you ended up leaving me anyway, because I was stupid and didn’t talk to you about my past.” 

It’s like a light has finally dawned. It’s all so clear now why he acted so twitchy. He was so jumpy and almost seemed afraid of me. And I guess he was. He was afraid I would tear out. I see every moment of our short relationship with so much more clarity. I am so mad at him right now for not trusting me, but I also feel a deep sorrow that he was so wounded and he couldn’t talk to me about it. But I guess I didn’t talk to him about my own issues either. We are quite the neurotic pair. 

He pulls away and slumps back, looking defeated. He’s not even trying to win me back and a weak part of me thinks maybe he doesn’t want me still, but I am tired of that neurotic side winning out. I am tired of my doubts being stronger than my confidence, so I make a decision on the spot. 

“You are so stupid Peeta,” I answer and his head pops up, eyes widening in surprise and hurt. But before he can react I slide over to him and climb onto his lap straddling him, my dress pulling indecently high on my legs.

“Do you remember that almost perfect day we spent up here. We didn’t leave for hours, and it was one of the most peaceful days of my life. What did you tell me Peeta?” 

He swallows hard, his eyes softening at the memory and he carefully wraps his strong hands around my waist. “I said ‘I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever’. And I meant it. That was the best day of my life.” 

I blink away the moisture in my eyes, as I carefully think of my next words. I’m taking a big risk, but he’s worth it. “I know I wasn’t very verbose that day.” He lifts his eyebrow at me and I have to laugh. “Fine, I know responding with ‘okay’ doesn’t say much, but for me it does. I meant it. I wanted to live in that moment forever too. Emphasis on forever. You are it for me Peeta.” 

As my words sink in, I want to remember his expression forever as his face lights up with hope and excitement. His mouth forms the most radiant smile I’ve ever seen, his eyes an impossible brilliant blue. He has a joy that is infectious and I find myself smiling impossible hard myself. 

He lunges for me, kissing me hard, and pulling my body tighter to his. His grip moves down to my ass, squeezing me hard, so I can really feel how happy I made him. His hands then push up the hem of my tight dress until it is bunched around my waist before stroking my skin up and down leaving goosebumps in their wake. I should feel the cool air hitting me in usually covered areas, but I am so encompassed by his warmth, all I feel is his heat. But somehow how despite all this, I get the strength to push him away, leaving his lips searching for my own and a confused hazy expression on his face as my heart pounds fiercely.

“I just want you to know that I’m not them. I have never cheated and will never cheat on you. And you need to trust me. Talk to me when you have doubts.” Peeta’s eyes soften and he places a soft kiss on my lips and I know without words that he believes me.

“Now there is something I need to tell you Katniss,” he says between soft lingering kisses. His lips are so intoxicating, I’m barely focused on his words, but he waits patiently until I am. “I was waiting up here in hopes you would come up here. I know Johanna had someone over, and that you sometimes sleep up here when it gets too much. In fact, I’ve been coming up here almost every night trying to ‘run’ into you. Stupid huh.” 

I give him a hard kiss running my hands through his curls before pulling back and responding. “Definitely not stupid. Totally the opposite in fact.” 

“God Katniss, you are so damn sexy every day. And in this dress, I can barely function.” Peeta’s gaze travels slowly all over my body and my body tingles from their invisible mark. 

“Please Peeta touch me.” Even though he already was, it was far from enough. I just want more and everywhere. 

“Do you want to go back to my room,” he asks as he nibbling the nape of my neck. Finally, is all I can think at the moment and almost moan out loud so I bite my lip. But Peeta does moan, low and husky. It vibrates through my body as he explores my skin with his tongue. Finally, finally. 

“Definitely not,” I eventually answer. He pulls away, his brows furrowing in disappointment and the smirk I give him changes it to hope. 

I climb off his lap, and take his hand, tugging him until he stands up. He obeys like a good boy as I pull him to the ramshackle greenhouse I use as shelter when I can’t sleep in my apartment. 

“Did you plan this?” He asks amazed as I turn on the christmas lights I’ve added and spread out the sleeping bags and blankets I had stuffed in the corner. 

“Of course not,” I answer with a chuckle and he plays grabby hands with my ass, distracting me for a moment. I slap his hands so I can finish up, crawling on the ground to smooth everything out then turn around, plopping on my butt and beckon him. “But now that I have you, I’m not letting you off this roof until I get what I need. Got it?”

I probably should analyze where this sexually aggressive woman is coming from considering it’s pretty much opposite of my natural personality, but I’m shutting off the part of my brain that thinks too hard before I do something stupid like run away. 

“Oh I definitely got it,” he says climbing on top of me. He kisses my clavicle softly, using his lips and tongue to explore along my chest until he moves to my breasts to caress and taste unhurriedly. And that’s all we do for several heated minutes, just explore each others skin in a way we haven’t had a chance to before. Piece by piece, clothes are shed. He slips off my dress, I push off his shirt. He unhooks my bra, I push down his pants. So many things are new about this experience, but there's a familiarity that I am welcoming back. I missed this, the warmth of his body, the scent of his skin, and the way I feel so secure in his arms. 

He pulls back for a moment, his eyes serious as he looks for something in my face. “So are we really doing this?” He asks, and I know it’s more than just the mechanics of sex he is talking about. I gently cup his face in my hands and he pushes into my right hand leaving a kiss on the palm of my hand, his eyes drifting close. 

“Yes we are. Because...because I only want you,” I manage to stutter out, and I can feel the crease of his smile in my hands. 

“I’ve only ever wanted you Katniss. And I’m sorry for everything.”

“No more apologies. Now you’re just keeping a girl waiting.” We both give small chuckles, and then he reaches for his crumpled pants, and pulls out a condom from his wallet, looking sheepish and promising me it’s been there for a while as he puts it on. I hope it’s not been in his wallet too long. I pull him under the blankets with me and because of Peeta, I don’t feel the cold from outside at all. 

Peeta slides a callused hands down my waist, past my hip, and under my thigh before gripping it hard and lifting it up and above his own hip. I mirror the movement with my other leg, cradling him between my legs, and feeling him hard and ready at my entrance. 

“Are you ready?” he asks, and I nod, breathing deeply, trying to relax my muscles. He reaches down and grips himself, biting his lip in an adorable way as he eases himself in. I hold onto his shoulders, feeling the muscles underneath my fingertips shudder as he groans. At first he feels too big, but then as he slowly starts to move, rhythmic and steady. I start to relax, the pleasure building until it overwhelms me. I pant out his name as he angles up my pelvis, making my head snap back as he hits just the right spot deep inside. It’s embarrassing how fast I come, blinding white taking over my vision, as I shake uncontrollably. I’m a limp wreck as I come to myself just as Peeta releases into the condom. He rolls over to his side taking me with him, holding me tight as we both recover, feeling the air cool the sweat on our skins. 

“I swear I’ll last longer next time,” he pants, chest still heaving. I nuzzle my head into the crook of his neck and sigh with contentment, on the verge of sleep. Somehow I do manage to get enough energy to threaten him with, “Oh there better be a next time.” 

I barely hear him chuckle as I fall asleep. 

 

__________________

Can you call it a walk of shame when you are acting like giggling teenagers? Morning comes too quickly and we have to leave our happy bubble. But I am in desperate need of a shower, not to mention my hair closely remembers a rat’s nest so a comb is a necessity. My other aim is to have Peeta join me in the shower to help with said cleaning process. So I pull a very sleepy and reluctant Peeta out of our cocoon so we can make our way back to our apartments. Once he fully wakes up and realizes we are on the move, he is Mr. Grabby Hands again as we make our way down the stairs. I turn around to stop him but pathetically fail as he pulls me in for a kiss which I’m only too eager to comply. 

“Really? You went back to her!?” Is a screech that reverberates down the hallway. We both turn around to see Cashmere, same clothes as last night, looking decidedly more wrecked and interestingly enough coming from Gale’s room. 

“Not that it’s any of your business Cashmere, but yes, I’m back with Katniss,” he happily answers as he pulls me closer. “Like I told you before, it will ALWAYS be her.” 

“You told that to her?” I ask, turning to him, and completely ignoring whatever insults is spewing from her mouth. 

“Of course. Katniss I love you.” The world quiets for a moment with his words, and I feel my heart fill with such a painful joy I’m sure it will burst. 

“I love you too, Peeta,” I answer. He is about to pull me in for another kiss but I pull away leaving his mouth in pucker formation, yanking him hard by the hand. 

“Wait? Huh? Where are we going?” He asks as I march towards his room. 

“A shower. We definitely need a shower right now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. Thanks always to my beta Demona424. You can follow me on tumblr at dianaflynn22.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote a continuation which will be updated in a couple of days. Thanks for reading. :)


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